Boys are from Ganymede

There are few creatures on earth that seem as alien to me these days as a teenage boy. I haven’t considered much about them, probably since I was a teenage girl.

Now that I am mother to a son, I pay more attention, particularly to interactions between parents and boys. A couple of months ago, I watched a mother smiling ear to ear as she pushed her shirtless seven- or eight-year-old around in a grocery cart. His hair was buzzed down to golden fuzz and his front teeth looked big and new to his face. The boy and his mother seemed to be enjoying each other’s company immensely and for no discernible reason. She nodded at me, I think because I had my own, considerably smaller boy in a shopping cart. Being mothers of boys connected us somehow.

I notice the awkwardness of skinny boys walking down the street with haircuts that are supposed to look like they aren’t haircuts hiding their eyes. I picture Declan becoming this kind of teenager, although it’s just as likely he’ll become a stocky athlete. With our long-haired ways, a buzz haircut could be his form of rebellion.

Yesterday, as I was scanning a clearance rack at Target, I saw a teenage boy lumbering from aisle to aisle with a silver mesh garbage can over his head like a space helmet. He stopped at the end of two or three aisles with his hands open expectantly, waiting for a response. He finally found his father, who paused a cell phone conversation just long enough to give him a quick, amused smile. I saw them in the store a couple more times before I checked out. The garbage can was still on the boy’s head as they perused products in the shampoo aisle.

I found myself thinking that if Declan has that kind of sense of humor about himself when he’s a teenager, we will have done alright as parents.

Your hair is like a book

I was leaving the house, so I got down on my knees to hug Declan goodbye.

I put my arms around him and kissed him, told him that I wouldn’t be gone long.

He put his hands on my cheeks, then moved them just over my ears.

He grabbed a handful of hair on either side and ever so gently pulled them outward and all the way up, until his hands touched each other.

He let the strands fall slowly back to my face, studying them as they dropped.

He repeated it two more times.

“Your hair is like a book,” he said.

This, in a week when I’ve been telling myself to cut it all off.

Life soundtrack: Pavement, “Cut Your Hair” Launch

Star Trek & the fabric of space time

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=381848&server=vimeo.com&fullscreen=1&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=00ADEF
Star Trek & the Fabric of Space Time from Tracy on Vimeo.

For the past few months, courtesy of the DVR, he’s liked to watch the opening sequence of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and recite what he could along with it. The other day, he started reciting it in the car.

Question I get now: “He likes it because daddy likes Star Trek?”

No, that would be mommy.

Charting Cyberspace, November Edition

Today is the kind of day that makes me wish our fireplace was working. It’s gray and cold – a preview of the hallmarks of Ohio winter. I feel too overcast to think of much to say.
So I won’t say much, other than to point you in the direction of some of the great posts I’ve been reading, thanks to NaBloPoMo. I’ve been using Google Reader to share posts as I read and enjoy them (you can find my feed in a blue box on the right side of this page), but here are a few highlights:

I laughed
• Some sins of the mother visiting over at Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper.

Running With Books experiences the joys of Kindergarten parent-teacher conferences.

• The Queen of Shake Shake rebels against November-writing nerds like me with a little NeeNerHaHa.

• Busy Dad’s five year old starts the revolution.

I cried
The myriad forms of solace at Slouching Past 40.

You have to wonder at one plus two.

I thought
Chopping away at the truth at Cheerio Road.

A precious gift at Blogs Are Stupid.

I wondered
• Do Humpback Whales say things to each other like “are your tail flukes tired? Must be, because you’ve been swimming around my head all day”? Apparently, we’ll know soon.

• News about what our mega-telescopes are finding in other solar systems seems to be coming out in throngs lately. Will SETI help us?

• Here’s a possible future addition to the decor at our house: The Alien Abduction Lamp.

Our long national anti-bathing nightmare is over!

We’ve endured a bathtub strike for close to a month now. Any bathing of Declan has been done with washcloths, terrycloth puppets and a lot of tears. For some reason, the bathtub, once one of his most cherished places, started to terrify him a few weeks back. I took advice from the Internet, where most of my trusted sources of advice said: “This too shall pass. Honor his fears and sponge bathe him – don’t force it.”

And so I launched a public relations campaign for the bathtub. I bought a Little Einsteins’ Rocket that I made a tub-exclusive toy. For days, he would play with it from the side of the tub. I went back to our old colored water tricks: “Don’t you want a blue Earth/Neptune bath? A red Mars bath? A green Uranus bath?” All to no avail.

Meanwhile, for two weeks running, the video 95 Worlds and Counting has been his obsession. He wants to watch “Holes” — the name he gave it because he loves the animation of the descent into the holes on Neptune’s moon of Triton — as many times and as often as we will let him. “It would be very interesting to go down in the holes, if you dare,” he says, in tandem with the scientist being interviewed. Then there’s something or other about supersonic sounds and landing in a pool of liquid nitrogen.

So naturally, I recently decided that the bath water should become liquid nitrogen, which I make with blue bath tablets and bubbles. On Wednesday night, after the great recliner debacle, I pulled out virtually every toy that could be a bath toy. I drew volcanoes and a supermassive black hole (by request) on the wall with bath crayons. I yelled “let’s be scientists!” and called everything from filling cups of water to watching washcloths submerge “experiments.” I asked him if he dared to go down into the holes of Triton into the pool of liquid nitrogen. I managed to get his socks and overshirt off without any shrieks of horror. (We still must wear the rotating Nemo underneath at all times.) In all of my imaginings of motherhood, I definitely never could have pictured this.

His dad came in.

“We are scientists dad!” Declan shouted. Then Dan was able to get him into the tub (under the condition that the diaper and Nemo shirt stayed on). Then there was the experiment where they filled the diaper with bath water and took it off so we could all marvel at its bizarre absorbency. And then Nemo came off – and we had our boy back in the bath.

Last night, Declan requested a bath again. A yellow-red-brown-green Io bath (he settled for yellow, then orange-red). I started the routine again, and Dan managed to get him in the water again.

Of course, the problem we now have is that once he’s in, he doesn’t want to get out.

Life soundtrack: We Are Scientists, “The Method”: Launch

Mrs. Ombach would be proud

When we were kids living in New Jersey, my brother and I had a babysitter named Mrs. Ombach, who came over to watch us frequently on summer afternoons. She would look over her half-spectacles at us as she knit long afghans with zig-zags or stripes. At the exact same time each visit, she would instruct us to read or lie down on blankets on the floor nearby while she took a half-hour nap on our rust-colored couch. Because of her insistence that we be raised with an appreciation for classical music, our dad went out and bought a bunch of Tchaikovsky music on eight-track tapes. I knew The Nutcracker and Swan Lake by ear long before I ever saw a ballet.

Her efforts to keep us “civilized” didn’t end with music. Whenever she was over, there would be tea, cookies and conversation at 3 o’clock. On the few occasions we went to her house , it was full of tea sets and needlepoint pillows and dark curtains and cuckoo clocks. No matter where we were with her, she would always police our language for “yeahs” and “uh-huhs.”

“You mean yes,” she would correct us.

Ombach’s notions didn’t entirely disappear or stick. I like classical music, but am by no means an expert. I’ll have some nice herbal tea in the evening now and then, but I’m mainly a coffee drinker, and I don’t drink it ritually much these days – just in large quantities in the morning. I’m particular about language in writing, but often too lazy about my speech, especially around the house. Lazy enough that my mom will still sometimes correct with me with an “Ombach would be very upset with you.”

But Declan almost always says “yes,” with a clear and precise sss sound. He’s even taken to saying “thank you” and “please” quite often, unless you’re telling him to do it, in which case, he stares straight through you as if to say “do I look like I need your pedestrian coaching?”

The other afternoon, he woke up from a nap in the car. I had the classical station playing. He rubbed his eyes and looked around sweetly for few minutes. Then he cupped his ear and said, “do you hear that Mozart? It’s on the radio.”

This blew my mind because it was, in fact, a Mozart piano sonata playing.

He will be two and a half in 11 days. What’s next? Daily requests for a cup of Earl Grey? It’s not out of the question, since he thinks Jean-Luc Picard is a family member. But if he starts asking for tea-time, I’ll be scanning the room for signs of Mrs. Ombach’s spirit.

Customer service stinks. Everywhere.

Here is an email I just sent to a local furniture company:

To whom it may concern,

I came to your east side store last night specifically because you offer next-day delivery. My mother is recovering from rotator cuff surgery, and I needed to buy a recliner for her in a hurry because she was having so much pain and difficulty sleeping in her bed. Her doctor’s office told us that she would have an easier time in a comfortable recliner.
I told a very kind associate about the circumstances, and she helped me to pick the right piece. I was then assured by the front desk that it would be delivered by this evening, and given a receipt with delivery dated for today that assured me of the same thing. Everyone involved was aware that I was buying this piece of furniture for a medical situation.
When I called to find out the approximate time that it would arrive, I was told that it was in fact scheduled to come out tomorrow night – a full day later than I had been promised. I was then told that there was no way to rectify this, or even to get it to her earlier in the day tomorrow.
While I was given an apology, the only recourse I was offered was to cancel the order, which seems a woefully inadequate remedy, given the circumstances. We obviously need the recliner and don’t have the help to move it ourselves or we would have done that this morning.
You still have our business for today, but I felt it was necessary to tell you formally just how deeply disappointed I am.

It felt more productive than crying, which I was before I wrote the email. We’re talking about my mom here, people. I walked out of that place feeling all warm and fuzzy about the experience yesterday. The sales rep even gave Declan apple slices to cheer him up because I made him mad by taking him inside through the cold air. If all had gone according to plan, I would have been singing this place’s praises to scads of other potential customers.

But really… no offer to even, like, waive the delivery charge? Why was I the one to catch their screw-up? Why has this kind of thing happened so much more frequently to me in recent years (although it’s usually been on the order of mere inconvenience)? What has become of customer service?

Update, Thursday, noon: Well, I guess that got their attention, after all. The chair was delivered today by 11:30 a.m. I also had a message from the original salesperson saying that she would try to get the delivery fee waived, although my mom said the form she signed when it arrived didn’t indicate that as the case. All of this, for a thing that looks like a gigantic baseball mitt, or, as my mother put it, “a bunch of big hot dog buns stuck together.” But, it fills the bill in all the important ways for now – puffy and comfortable, a decent place to rest, and easy to adjust with her good arm.

I like words

I finally gor around to reading Joan Didion’s Year of Magical Thinking over a weekend near the end of October. When I was done, I put the book down on an end table, not sure whether I should give it a home back on my bookshelf, or pass it on to a friend.

The next day, I found Declan sitting on the bed with it in his hands, leafing through the pages as though he was reading.

“Are you reading mommy’s book?” I asked him.

“I am,” he said. “It’s about words. I like words.”

“You do?”

“I do.”

I used to like hospitals

I realize that sounds strange. But I come from a family of great physicians, so in scary health times, a hospital used to have a kind of comforting quality. My grandfather and great uncle would go to great lengths to explain medical matters to us. Even as children, we were empowered with information, not left in the dark as though we wouldn’t be able to comprehend what was happening to us or our loved ones.

Ever since those two men passed, hospitals have become scary, discombobulated places that function on a more exaggerated time clock than the phone or cable company. You get light-headed because you don’t want to leave and eat the lousy fast food they serve in the cafeteria. You know that the minute you do, that’s when the person who can answer your questions will show up. If you miss them, you’re screwed.

There have been several (non life-threatening) health problems among those closest to me in the last year, and each time, it felt like there was little or no warning given about the volume of help my loved ones were going to need to recover.

Everyone (at least in my immediate family) is alive and healing. I am thankful. But today was a hard day.

Child helps journalist

Here is a story that I wrote for Columbus Alive this week.

Declan helped.

Not because he is a particularly good editor or writer at two and a half, but because he makes me think about the nature of the universe as well as its incomprehensible size — things that can come in handy when you’re writing about art. In this case, keeping up with his interest in spatial dimensions and string theory directly applied to the wonderful work and artist that I wrote about.

I consider some of the abstract concepts in galleries, community centers and museums on a fairly regular basis. In print, I try to make them less intimidating to people, to help them see the joy, intrigue and adventure inherent in considering the questions that art can raise. I don’t always succeed, but I try.

Growing up, I always considered science, especially physics, to be too large and logical for the likes of someone like me. But Declan has helped me see the joy, intrigue and adventure inherent in considering the questions that astrophysics can raise and how, much in the way that you don’t have to be a critic to appreciate art, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to appreciate the cosmos.

Life soundtrack: The Posies, “I Am the Cosmos”: Launch

Smooching infinity since 2005.