Tag Archives: adventures in normality

May daze

We spent a couple of days in New York’s Finger Lake region, where my youngest sibling (half-sister) graduated from college on a chilly, drizzly day.

The sky broke open as we drove home and made a quick detour into Niagara Falls, where Declan would only walk through the surprisingly lovely state park so long as we agreed to take a book on human anatomy and a little boxed solar system puzzle along with us. We clung to the road until midnight on Sunday, when our little boy officially became three years old, or, as he’s been telling me for weeks now, “not a baby anymore.”

Not wanting to spend too much of his birthday in the car, we subjected ourselves to federal inspection in Cleveland, which gave us a pass into a place that turned out to be the closest thing to heaven that Declan has experienced. (Thanks to Wendy for the tip.)

Oh, Hayden Planetarium, dear Air and Space Museum… you have no idea what you may do to my son’s mind, and I’m determined to bring him to you as soon as I can.

Sadly, we had no idea that the center had its big open house that weekend – not that we’d have been able to go – but I am disappointed that we weren’t able to connect him with any scientists – an adult who might appreciate how engaged he was in the place, with its model Hubble telescope and Mars rover and the pictures of galaxies and nebulae that he recognizes, the planets that he knows by surface, size and position. We watched a movie about the International Space station, where, he reminded me today, an astronaut mixed orange and red juice in zero-gravity drops.

We’ve arrived at a new place where his need for attention has grown immensely, and his thirst for knowledge, which has been intense, is even stronger. I try to make his life more varied than space, but space seems to help master everything else. Although he can’t read yet, he now recognizes the words “universe” and “astronomy” (and “NASA” of course). He mastered mouse skills in about an hour once I showed him the History Channel’s interactive universe, which he likes to visit daily, telling me “I need to work on the computer.” I tried to get him to play with a Trapelo puzzle with me last night, and once he decided that the designs could be like the “cracks of Europa,” he was ready to try. We’re still having issues with potty training, but when I’ve suggested that his poop will better resemble Proxima Centauri or The Pleiades in a toilet than his diaper, he seems to consider this seriously. (I am not joking at all.)

When he got overwhelmed and overtired in social situations this weekend, looking at space and human anatomy books balanced him. Once we start one, he insists on reading it thoroughly. We were able to sit through a long, rainy graduation ceremony with little incident, provided we could whisper about the billions of cells we have in our bodies, how eardrums work and what heartstrings actually are. We gave him a working stethoscope and a lion puppet for his birthday, so he pretended to tend to his furry patient in his car seat, and later checked our heartbeats.

And as intense as he can be, he’s still funny and fun, sing-song rhyming nonsense words to himself, dancing like a nut and flirting with girls.

We spend so much time in the mysteries of the micro-finite and the infinite here. I’m increasingly afraid about how little I know, how quickly I may lose the ability to engage him and increasingly impatient with people who know so little about astronomy and anatomy themselves, that they don’t know that his interests are more than a cute parlor trick.

My objective this summer is to find someone who he can talk to that loves and knows about at least one of the things that he does.

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Earth Day: Five flowers I love and why

Roman Chamomile
Not the bastardized version that every cosmetic company now synthesizes and manufactures into dish soaps and shampoos, but the real, beautiful, soothing, medicinal thing. (And not German or Wild Chamomile, either – Roman!) The name means “ground apple” because of its sweet, fruity scent, and it had been used medicinally for everything from childbirth to malaria. The true essential oil costs an arm and a leg, but a dropper’s worth can be put into a few ounces of a cheaper base oil like sweet almond or jojoba and after a week or two, the whole bottle will have the scent. I like to grow the plant in the summertime, somewhere near a doorway, and brush my hands over it as I come and go.

Lavender
If your child has the “evil eye,” and is constantly invading the thoughts of others with his or her mind, lavender can clear that affliction right up! (So say the mythology books.) Another herb that I like to grow in high traffic areas so I can touch it regularly, and to which no fabric softener version can compare, the calming properties of lavender aren’t a myth in my book. It’s also the first flower I remember, growing along the side of my childhood house.

Hyacinth
Hyacinth was a young man beloved by the Greek god Apollo, who inadvertently killed him with a poorly thrown discus. I love the flower because it grows from a bulb, and, save some the challenge of keeping critters from digging them up for lunch, bulbs are the easiest things in the world to plant. They are also among the few bulb-grown flowers that are truly fragrant. Declan and I planted about a dozen bulbs last fall, and we’ve been enjoying their scent in the kitchen this week. (I cut them and bring them in when they get tall enough to start bending over.)

Delphinium
In the garden I always think I want, I’m surrounded by blue flowers – a bit of sky on earth, or water on land. There are creeping vines of morning glory, blankets of phlox, lean irises and tall sprays of delphinium, which can have several shades of blue on a single stem. Each petal looks like a mini-horizon. The name derives from the Greek word for dolphin, because of the diving shape of the blossoms.

Dandelions
I never had much use for these beyond the fun of blowing the fluffy ones apart when I was a kid. But these days, my son likes to pick flowers for me. Because we try to be good citizens who don’t pillage the gardens of city parks or our neighbors, Dan steers him toward dandelions and other little weeds. They usually come to me in little bouquets, tied with a stem and accompanied by kisses.

But the blooms wither quickly, which upsets Declan, because he wants his gifts to last. So we’ve taken to putting them in water.


Happy Earth (“Earf“) Day.

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A boy’s sweet dream

Early this morning, Declan woke up with a giant smile on his face.

“I had the most wonderful dream” he said, with enough wonder in his voice that you’d think he’d just emerged from the rabbit hole. His eyes were still half-closed.

I leaned over him and stroked his hair.

“Really? What did you dream about, sweetie?” I asked.

“I dreamed that daddy was a little kid too.”

Pick your cliche about a mother’s heart, and what I felt in that moment would apply. His dream was so pure, so dear.

After he fell back asleep, his tiny snores erupted into sporadic giggles. Kid daddy must have been a lot of fun.

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Fortune cookie “advise”

The other night I got the following, grammatically questionable fortune with my chicken and broccoli: Whoever took our carryout order dumped a bunch of extra fortune cookies into the bag. The next day, Dan put two into the flat of his palm and brought them to me.

“Let’s try it again, maybe today’s fortune will be better,” he said.

I picked one, cracked it open and found this:
Um…. Huh? We both looked at it for a while, trying to determine what letter could have been accidentally dropped or exchanged in “with” to no avail. I can think of word (or expletive) or two that could be placed between “to” and “with,” but otherwise, this exact intention of this fortune eluded us.

Dan was distracted by the boy, and took a few minutes before cracking his open. I went upstairs to my desk nook and did whatever it is I do.

“Trace?” He yelled up the stairs. “Mine doesn’t make any sense either. I really don’t know what they meant by this. Do you have an idea?”

Then he read the following aloud:

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Patron Saint of troubled youth

An observation about Asheville, North Carolina:

“There’s a lot of troubled youth here. I can make money in a place with troubled youth.”

– Line of the weekend by my husband.

I thought he might start packing to go back as soon as we got home, but so far, he seems relaxed.

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The road South

We made our way to Charlotte this weekend, where on Friday we ate a meal, took Dec to Urgent care because he had the painful Nursemaid’s elbow (he’s never had this happen before so it was very frightening), ate another meal, slept, ate a meal, went to a wedding, noshed on some food at the reception and then ate another meal. Knowing how much food was on the agenda for the weekend, it was sweet relief to find three elliptical trainers in the gym of our hotel, but just because they were there didn’t mean I actually used them.

My cousin was the one getting hitched – the oldest son of my mom’s youngest sibling (and her only brother). When he (my cousin) was a baby, I was too young for real babysitting but old enough to be charged with his care upstairs while his mother got a chance to visit with other adults for an hour or two. I spent most of the time snuggling him, tickling him and holding him up to my mom’s closet mirror to make him smile, then granted a dollar bill or three for my efforts.

In the years since, I’ve only known the details of his life here and there – seeing him on holidays, and at funerals, learning bits of information passed through moms and grandparents and cousins. It was fun to learn more about who he is, and also be given the chance to spend a little time with a lot of extended family that I haven’t seen much of since my Zollinger grandparents passed away. Declan got to meet some of them for the first time.

Although he spent a lot of time running in circles and underneath tables with a hot five-year-old girl (he even basically told me to get lost when he was playing with her and giving me a taste of what’s to come), he did smooch the bride and show the groom his secret handshake. He even generously handed out hugs to aunts, uncles and cousins when I asked him if he liked making people happy, he told me yes, and I assured him that his hugs would do the trick. Indeed they did.

Here are some things I have learned on the road:

• West Virginia is as beautiful as it is utterly insane. They insist on making the speed limit 70 miles per hour on twisty mountain roads that require a lot of gum chewing if you want to keep your eardrums in tact.

• If you’ve never seen it – the capitol building of West Virginia has an elaborate gold dome. Because I also took a tour of this place a few years ago, I think I might dream about gold Appalachian mountains.

More to come… but we’re not home yet!

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New mantras from our mini professor

“Eat your colors today.”

I’m not sure if this taken from pro-fruit and veggie spots on Sesame Street or what. He’s been asking for foods on the basis of their color for a couple of weeks now, while also pointing out colors in accordance with the planets, such as “look at that blue Neptune car, mommy.”

“They go in and ouch.”

Said while giving a mini-lecture on the disappearance of Saturn’s rings, and something about asteroids.

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What’s funny?

I laughed at something or other I read online yesterday — some sarcastic line or political joke or wry comment — and Declan came running across the room.

“What’s funny, mommy? What’s funny?”

It wasn’t really anything I could explain to him. I told him that I just read something that made me laugh.

“But what was it, mommy?” He touched my knee and tilted his head to the side, looking me straight in the eye. I generally try to respond to any question he asks, so he’s used to an answer.

It made me think of the lifetime of small moments like this that I have behind me — the innumerable times that I did not want to miss the joke. The times I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to snuggle into the warmth of belonging you feel when you are laughing with someone else, into the safety of understanding the same thing together.

Every day, our level of conversation takes another step forward, as does his sense of independence. Like today, when he wanted to bring his starry comforter upstairs from the basement by himself.

“I can do it. I’m a very strong boy,” he told me, just like that, wrestling the thing up the steps. I didn’t stop him. I just maneuvered into a place where I thought I could catch him if he lost his balance.

He is still only two. Remarkable and hilarious and irrational and affectionate and cupcake-crazy two. For now, the answer to “what’s funny” can still be diverted with ease, no explanations necessary.

“It’s funny to have such a funny little boy,” I told him, and tickled him to the edge of wild giggles. “It’s funny and fun.”

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Work. Play. Snow. Work.

This was an unusually busy week for us, much of it spent in an odd hotel suite while our home was lead abated. The lobby was well supplied with huge red delicious apples and bananas, and Dan and Declan even got several chances to swim while I did a lot of work that was much harder than it should have been.

Our original problems with paint didn’t happen in this house, but it feels good to be in a place that remains old and charming, yet has been made that much safer.

I also finally got the chance to meet the amazing Dawn today, which was a treat, since we have more in common than a few friends. Then we slid back home through the blizzardyness and I managed to work some more.

If the roads are clear enough tomorrow, Declan has a date with his girlfriend to go sledding, although I’m not sure where. I’m thinking that for a couple of two-year-olds, any old lump of a hill will be a thrill.

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