All posts by TZT

Mom. She-hack. Armchair astronomer. Buddhist.

May daze

We spent a couple of days in New York’s Finger Lake region, where my youngest sibling (half-sister) graduated from college on a chilly, drizzly day.

The sky broke open as we drove home and made a quick detour into Niagara Falls, where Declan would only walk through the surprisingly lovely state park so long as we agreed to take a book on human anatomy and a little boxed solar system puzzle along with us. We clung to the road until midnight on Sunday, when our little boy officially became three years old, or, as he’s been telling me for weeks now, “not a baby anymore.”

Not wanting to spend too much of his birthday in the car, we subjected ourselves to federal inspection in Cleveland, which gave us a pass into a place that turned out to be the closest thing to heaven that Declan has experienced. (Thanks to Wendy for the tip.)

Oh, Hayden Planetarium, dear Air and Space Museum… you have no idea what you may do to my son’s mind, and I’m determined to bring him to you as soon as I can.

Sadly, we had no idea that the center had its big open house that weekend – not that we’d have been able to go – but I am disappointed that we weren’t able to connect him with any scientists – an adult who might appreciate how engaged he was in the place, with its model Hubble telescope and Mars rover and the pictures of galaxies and nebulae that he recognizes, the planets that he knows by surface, size and position. We watched a movie about the International Space station, where, he reminded me today, an astronaut mixed orange and red juice in zero-gravity drops.

We’ve arrived at a new place where his need for attention has grown immensely, and his thirst for knowledge, which has been intense, is even stronger. I try to make his life more varied than space, but space seems to help master everything else. Although he can’t read yet, he now recognizes the words “universe” and “astronomy” (and “NASA” of course). He mastered mouse skills in about an hour once I showed him the History Channel’s interactive universe, which he likes to visit daily, telling me “I need to work on the computer.” I tried to get him to play with a Trapelo puzzle with me last night, and once he decided that the designs could be like the “cracks of Europa,” he was ready to try. We’re still having issues with potty training, but when I’ve suggested that his poop will better resemble Proxima Centauri or The Pleiades in a toilet than his diaper, he seems to consider this seriously. (I am not joking at all.)

When he got overwhelmed and overtired in social situations this weekend, looking at space and human anatomy books balanced him. Once we start one, he insists on reading it thoroughly. We were able to sit through a long, rainy graduation ceremony with little incident, provided we could whisper about the billions of cells we have in our bodies, how eardrums work and what heartstrings actually are. We gave him a working stethoscope and a lion puppet for his birthday, so he pretended to tend to his furry patient in his car seat, and later checked our heartbeats.

And as intense as he can be, he’s still funny and fun, sing-song rhyming nonsense words to himself, dancing like a nut and flirting with girls.

We spend so much time in the mysteries of the micro-finite and the infinite here. I’m increasingly afraid about how little I know, how quickly I may lose the ability to engage him and increasingly impatient with people who know so little about astronomy and anatomy themselves, that they don’t know that his interests are more than a cute parlor trick.

My objective this summer is to find someone who he can talk to that loves and knows about at least one of the things that he does.

Robert Rauschenberg, R.I.P.

Almost precisely eight years ago, I lugged a large canvas bag stocked with a notebook, a tape recorder and microphone up a couple of downtown escalators. My destination was a hotel lounge overlooking the statehouse, where I was able to sit down with artist Robert Rauschenberg for better than a half an hour. He was in town to accept the Wexner Prize, so the topic of conversation was broad and about his remarkable career.

One of the most affable people I’ve ever interviewed, he made me laugh a lot. And every time that I laughed, it seemed to fuel him to make me laugh more. That made editing the tape for the public radio segment I was producing about him a challenge, but it did not detract from the serious passion that he had, particularly when it came to shining a light on art’s relationship — or really art’s necessity — to politics and to science.

Beyond his obvious contributions to American art that many better informed individuals will eulogize this week, it was his philanthropic work – helping to advance humanitarian causes and education through art, as well as creating support for artists — that he expressed particular pride in during our conversation. The chance to talk to him face-to-face ranks among the most special privileges I’ve had in my career as a journalist.

He had been working on his Apogamy Pods, and explained what he was doing in a way that was profoundly (and simultaneously) scientific, spiritual, gentle and challenging. It occurs to me, thinking about him, that some of my best preparation for having a child that is so deeply interested in science has come from years of covering visual art. My son is impressed that I once spoke with one of the first and only artists in a mini-museum that was smuggled to the moon in 1969.

I was saddened to hear of Rauschenberg’s passing on Monday night. What a big life he led, what an immense personality he had, and what a legacy he has left.

Dreams of a mother

I don’t remember how old I was when I wore it, but it stayed in my shirt drawer long after it fit. My mother did work with other women that felt important. It stood for something. This shirt showed that I stood for something too:
She told me that she hoped that what she was doing would mean that I would grow up in a different kind of world than she had, one where what I had to offer would be welcomed and appreciated, not dismissed on account of my gender. Throughout my childhood, she did work in support of that dream. She even went to Mexico City in 1975 to help draft a plan of action for the women of the world.
When I was six years old, I adopted her maiden name as one of my own (Zollinger) – my first feminist act.

Our world is by no means yet a utopia. There are challenges that my mother’s 30-something self couldn’t have imagined. But this world is different, and better, because of her.

I also dream of a world different from this one for my own son. One that truly values his tenderness, compassion, kindness, generosity and patience. One that treasures his humanity so deeply that no one would dream of calling on him for violence.

Today, the Momocrats have drawn our attention to the original Mother’s Day Proclamation, penned by Julia Ward Howe after the Civil War. I can’t think of a better spirit for this holiday:

Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:
“We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: “Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace. …

MOMocrats: Dreams of a Mother

Happy Mother’s Day to my precious mom and yours.

The road South

We made our way to Charlotte this weekend, where on Friday we ate a meal, took Dec to Urgent care because he had the painful Nursemaid’s elbow (he’s never had this happen before so it was very frightening), ate another meal, slept, ate a meal, went to a wedding, noshed on some food at the reception and then ate another meal. Knowing how much food was on the agenda for the weekend, it was sweet relief to find three elliptical trainers in the gym of our hotel, but just because they were there didn’t mean I actually used them.

My cousin was the one getting hitched – the oldest son of my mom’s youngest sibling (and her only brother). When he (my cousin) was a baby, I was too young for real babysitting but old enough to be charged with his care upstairs while his mother got a chance to visit with other adults for an hour or two. I spent most of the time snuggling him, tickling him and holding him up to my mom’s closet mirror to make him smile, then granted a dollar bill or three for my efforts.

In the years since, I’ve only known the details of his life here and there – seeing him on holidays, and at funerals, learning bits of information passed through moms and grandparents and cousins. It was fun to learn more about who he is, and also be given the chance to spend a little time with a lot of extended family that I haven’t seen much of since my Zollinger grandparents passed away. Declan got to meet some of them for the first time.

Although he spent a lot of time running in circles and underneath tables with a hot five-year-old girl (he even basically told me to get lost when he was playing with her and giving me a taste of what’s to come), he did smooch the bride and show the groom his secret handshake. He even generously handed out hugs to aunts, uncles and cousins when I asked him if he liked making people happy, he told me yes, and I assured him that his hugs would do the trick. Indeed they did.

Here are some things I have learned on the road:

• West Virginia is as beautiful as it is utterly insane. They insist on making the speed limit 70 miles per hour on twisty mountain roads that require a lot of gum chewing if you want to keep your eardrums in tact.

• If you’ve never seen it – the capitol building of West Virginia has an elaborate gold dome. Because I also took a tour of this place a few years ago, I think I might dream about gold Appalachian mountains.

More to come… but we’re not home yet!

New mantras from our mini professor

“Eat your colors today.”

I’m not sure if this taken from pro-fruit and veggie spots on Sesame Street or what. He’s been asking for foods on the basis of their color for a couple of weeks now, while also pointing out colors in accordance with the planets, such as “look at that blue Neptune car, mommy.”

“They go in and ouch.”

Said while giving a mini-lecture on the disappearance of Saturn’s rings, and something about asteroids.

My hair donation

There is something about having long, almost-to-your-waist hair that is a little like being pregnant. For some friends and strangers, the mere fact that it is there creates an irresistible invitation for them to invade your personal space. Like a protruding baby belly, they touch it without warning, admire it for whatever it represents to them. With a few exceptions, I’ve never minded this much. And for at least the last 10 years, it’s been a fact of my life.

A few months before I got pregnant in 2004, I was entertaining the idea of a master’s degree, and took a graduate class in folklore. We learned about ethnographic interviewing methods and the ethical issues inherent in studying people this way before setting out to work on our own projects. Others in the class interviewed homeless squatters, formulated ways to map out research they had done about the nature of the tourism trade in Egypt or examined century-old Irish folk tale chapbooks.

I chose to think about long hair.

I did preliminary research on what it can symbolize, what its value can be, how it’s perceived by others. There have been moments in the world’s history when a woman’s hair has been her family’s most valuable asset. It can have religious implications, as it does for the Amish – from birth, a woman’s hair is never cut, always swirled into an efficient bun and kept under cover. It can make people assume you are vegetarian (really!), a fan of particular music or nostalgic for an era you never actually experienced.

But most striking to me was the attachment to hair as a marker of time, as an organic map of life experience. We can chart our lives with every inch.

I looked at the ends of my hair last night. They landed about halfway between the base of my shoulder blades and my waist, so it was easy to pull them in front of my face. This hair was with me when I still had one living grandmother left. It was there when Dan and I stood on the high cliffs of Santorini looking into the caldera and I thought that the altitude and unfenced roads were making me nauseous, not realizing that I was about three weeks into the journey of pregnancy.

I could come up with memories that made me want to hold onto these few inches always, and others that made me want to banish them completely.

But then I think about what they can mean to a child without hair, who has Alopecia or is undergoing chemotherapy for Cancer, and I wonder why I haven’t done this sooner. In recent months, I’ve read words by brave souls on various blogs – parents with cancer, parents of children with cancer – and I am awed by their strength in times of suffering, their willingness to have faith in people, to share themselves so candidly. In the face of those things, this donation doesn’t feel like much.

If I could, with my few inches of hair, I would also donate the warmth of the Grecian sunlight that touched it, the overwhelming feeling of health and well-being that I enjoyed during my second trimester of pregnancy and the joy of hearing my baby son’s hysterical laughter when I’ve enveloped him in the cave of my hair and dragged the ends over his face and belly.

That is the wish I have sent with these few inches, anyway.

I went to Gina’s in Grandview, where they do a lot of Locks of Love donations. My stylist, John, was a really lovely person who seemed genuinely excited to lighten my load and make me feel pretty. Afterwards, we went to the extra swollen Griggs Reservoir so that Dan could take pictures of me that make me look like a country and western singer. (This is the calling I missed, people.)

I gave 12 inches of my hair, which is supposed to be enough to help make long-haired wigs for little girls, and there was more than I expected left over for me. Declan watched the ponytail come off. I wanted him to see it happen so that he wouldn’t be scared by a different-looking mommy.

It’s not nearly as dramatic (or traumatic) as I imagined it might be. I feel great.
And I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Take a look at some of Locks of Love’s other donors. Don’t you love that 80 percent of them are children?

Random thoughts for a weekend

It wasn’t that intense of a week, though it felt like it was. I’ve been working on some of my regular work, on finding some work and on a new blog.

I’ve also been feeling reflective about Arthur C. Clarke’s return to stardust as well as the advances we’re making when it comes to finding signs of life outside of our solar system. It makes you think we really meet intelligent E.T. within 20 years, as some astronomers predict, the same way U.S. women got the right to vote 14 years after the cause’s longest living champion died. If that’s so, we need Star Trek now more than ever. And Declan needs language classes.

I’ve also read a lot of great stuff online this week.

Today, Ask Moxie had an extremely helpful guest post about toddler discipline. Their seminars seem too pricey, but I’ve subscribed to the Proactive Parenting newsletter.

Lastly, if you’re gearing up for Easter’s sugar, here you can watch a bunch of strange videos that feature Peeps.

Have a happy weekend.

Pen power

I spent a good part of yesterday as a judge for Power of the Pen, a scholastic writing competition for middle school kids, which was an honor and an absolute blast. (The blizzard threw off the originally scheduled judges, so Dawn, who has been a judge before, helped put out a clarion call to other writers and I jumped.)

I’m so glad I got to do it. These kids are on creative writing teams, replete with t-shirts that they festoon with their own slogans. They screamed and stomped their feet with every award (there were a bunch of others that we weren’t a part of).

Along with another local writer, I read about 70 stories by eighth graders that had all been written that morning in short sessions, many of which explored difficult subjects in astonishingly well-drawn, clever and lovely ways. We picked three winners and three honorable mentions. What an honor to get an afternoon’s gate pass into the thoughts of such young, brave and eloquent people.

One of the pieces that we awarded actually made me cry. It made me remember the special tenderness of a ‘tween girl’s heart.

Born in the bulge (or bull-dge)

“Mommy, I was born in the bulge of the Milky Way.”

Declan has been telling me this at random intervals for two or three months now.

Because human anatomy has become one of his secondary interests, after astronomy, he likes to snuggle up to my belly and talk about being born. And since he’s had a proclivity for saying things that make him seem like the great mystic baby from the distant planet of Zog for as long as he could speak, I chalked it up to some verbal conflation of bulging bellies and the latest galaxy wisdom from our bevy of space documentaries. (Oddly, as I was writing this, he was watching Unfolding Universe, his very first favorite space show, and we just took a computer-generated flight through the Milky Way’s “bulge” so there you have it.)

Yesterday, moment after waking, he thrust a book about constellations into my hands.

“We’re having a book about stars now,” he commanded.

I complied.

We got to Taurus, his birth sign, and he pointed at it between the eyes.

“I was born in the bulge,” he told me again. “See? It’s the bulge, where I belong.”

I used to think I knew where babies came from. I’m not so sure anymore.

And speaking of birthdays, happy 129th to the spirit of this person:

Also, to the considerably younger father of mine, as well as my dearest childhood friend, all born on this important (in my universe) day of the fishes.